Flattery and attention are some powerful forces. The ugly truth is that two of my long(ish)-term relationships were based entirely on those forces. The guys just wanted me and pursued me so aggressively that I almost felt that I had no choice but to say yes. I had a choice, of course, but the reality is that I liked the attention. And they knew that—they relied on my need for attention to get me. I even remember, in both relationships, some well-meaning friends would ask me, “So, um, wh at exactly is it that you like about insert boyfriend’s name here?” The implication being that they really didn’t see what we had in common or why we were together. They were right. I didn’t like those guys—I just liked how much they liked me. Ultimately, of course, I realized I wasn’t into them. If one person just pursues and pursues, the relationship is usually doomed. Here is why you should be wary of men who pursue you too hard. They disregard your comfort If you think about it, they obviously have no concern for your level of comfort. You’re obviously a bit embarrassed when they make big scenes to get your attention or show up at your work with gifts. And yet, they don’t care—they just keep doing it. They presume they know what’s best for you So, if a guy keeps pursuing you, after you’ve said you’re not interested, that essentially means that this man believes that he knows what’s best for you more than you do. That’s also called being a narcissist. They probably have big egos Men who continue to pursue something after getting a “No” time and time again can have huge egos. They believe they should always get what they want, no matter what anybody says. You’re not the only one they’re pursuing If this guy is going after you like this, I can almost promise you that he’s going after other women like this, too. For men who just shower women with the compliments, attention, and gifts—it’s usually all a numbers game. They likely have obsessive personalities This guy probably has an obsessive personality. Translation: he could be the paranoid and jealous type. If he can be so hyper-focused on getting you, he is probably always obsessive. Relationships can’t survive like that Relationships really can’t survive on one person just being obsessed with the other person. Tons of flattery, eventually, becomes old—for the giver and the receiver. In fact, the one giving it can become resentful of all the work he has to put in. They can become lazy once they get you I can tell you from personal experience that often, guys who work like crazy to get you just totally slack off once they have you. You were just a prize to be won. They liked the chase but they don’t want to put in the work to keep you happy. Don’t they have anything else to do? Also, um, why does this man have nothing else to do? How does he have so much time to pay you all of this attention? If you get together, you may find that you are his whole life. Don’t be charmed by flattery Try to remember that when a man is just showering you with attention, you aren’t actually getting to know him. You know he can flatter you, sure, but you don’t really know anything else about his personality. They smother you to blind you Of course, these aggressive men usually hope you don’t notice anything else about their personality. They’re hoping to smother you so much with attention that you don’t realize they aren’t really great people until you’ve already slept with them. They’re entitled I’ve noticed that men who behave like this tend to have a sense of entitlement in all areas of their life. Think about it: they felt entitled to you, didn’t they? They put you on a pedestal Unfortunately, when a man is just making his day’s work about getting you, he isn’t really getting to know you. He puts you on a pedestal and then you have to live up to this angelic image he’s created of you. Why do you need all that attention? If you really want and need all of this attention from a man, you may need to look inward and ask yourself why? You may be lacking in the self-love department, and all the male attention in the world can’t fix that. No matter whom you date. They’re probably always pushy Men who are pushy about dating you tend to just always be pushy. That means they can push a restaurant hostess to let them skip the line and be pushy/rude to customer service people. Don’t they have friends to edit them? If this man had good friends then they’d be telling him to stop acting like this. So…maybe he doesn’t have friends. That’s something to worry about. madamenoire.com]]>