It is good to love with your heart but better to do same with your head. The fact that love has consumed your heart doesn’t mean one shouldn’t use their head. Love is a beautiful thing. However, when sowed in the wrong environment, it turns sour!
Divorces and bad marriages, like accidents, don’t just happen. There are warning signs. There are red flags. When others keep shoving these flags in our face, we shouldn’t take them for granted and assume such signs may just vanish during marriage. Time will not diminish these threats. It will instead make them more prominent.
Red flags are there for us to observe to advise ourselves. The essence of dating or courtship is to take note some of these red flags which are an indication of something worse to come.
A potential spouse who wants to play God in your life.
It is great to have someone who cares genuinely about you. It’s awesome to have a fiancé/fiancée who shows their support at every given time. However, the red flag is when their bossy self wants you to render to them a vivid account of every detail of your life daily. The red flag is when they slam it in your face that you were literally a “nobody” until they met you.
A life partner should be a friend not a god of a boss. They should not bully you around as though it’s a privilege to have them. Indeed, you should run for your life when he/she wants you to organize a thanksgiving session for them each day!
A spouse-to-be who incessantly compares you with their ex.
Many people today are like Lot’s wife. They keep looking back. They can’t let go of a past relationship even though they are in a new one. At the least opportunity, they’d refer one to how their ex would have done something better. Their ex’s name keeps roaming in all their conversations.
You see, when a man/woman is still attached to their past, it is almost likely they will leave you for them when the opportunity rears its head. When they’re still immersed in their past, you may never be enough for them because they have an ex of a yardstick they’re always comparing you with!
A man/woman you can’t trust.
Trust is the foundation of every relationship. Two people can never walk together until they’ve agreed to trust each other. Otherwise speaking, where there’s no trust, there’s barely a fruitful relationship because each spouse always suspects the other.
Absence of trust is the foremost red flag one should always look out for. When there’s no foundation of trust, no relationship can be built. When we don’t trust people, we’ll spend the rest of our lives fretting over needless matters. Depression will be our neighbor. Anxiety will be our friend. You’ve no business imagining a future with someone you can’t afford to trust!
A relationship where morals and values have taken a vacation.
When there are no standards in a relationship, anything walks in. When there are no common values, you both fall for everything. Many marriages are hitting the rocks lately because both couple didn’t have morals and values which were strictly adhered to before marriage even came into the picture.
If you’re in a relationship and you both, for instance, think it’s just okay to have threesomes, nothing will change even when you marry. Such a marriage will be riddled with cheating episodes where none trusts the other. How far your marriage will go depends on the morals and values you both held dearly to when dating!
A spouse-to-be who will choose wedding over marriage.
It’s amazing how many today will make so much fuss about a wedding when they’re not even prepared for marriage. I have met young women who are bent on settling down with a man who can give them their dream wedding… not dream marriage. I have met others who are so crazy about weddings but don’t give a hoot about what happens thereafter.
Pay attention to what your yet-to-be bride or groom is paying attention to; wedding or marriage. Life tests our maturity in so many ways and one of such is knowing whether a wedding is a need or only a want. Marriage is serious business. Wedding is only a little, insignificant department of that business!
When they are more interested in your charm than character.
Many things may attract people to us― our fame, wealth, personality, beauty among others. All these amount to our charm. However, one thing more important than our charm is our character. What we have is our charm. Who we are is our character.
When a man/woman gives you hints that they’re with you just because of what you have, it is a clear red flag. What we have is temporary. Who we are is permanent. If they are so much into you for your wealth sake, what happens when you lose it? What happens when an unfortunate incident takes away your beauty? True love is built on character not charm.
A potential spouse full of indecision.
How does one even dream of settling down with an unstable partner? How are you going to cope with a partner who shuttles between several choices of partners because they are not really certain about you? How do you even stand the sight of someone who doesn’t know whether it’s you or their ex they want?
One of the causes of cheating in marriages is indecision and this red flag pops up even during dating. If you’re doing everything possible for a man/woman to stay in a relationship they’re not committed to, know that you’re one of their many options. Sooner or later, they may leave you!
When people show you who they are, believe them. A red flag is a red flag. Don’t try to entertain it lest it gets bloody later on!
By Kobina Ansah
The writer is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications (www.scribecommltd.com), a writing company based in Accra. His play TRIBELESS is on Saturday, June 16th, 2018 at National Theatre.