One day he’s all over you Sending you messages. Calling you in the mornings to ask how your night was and asking if you dreamt about him. In the afternoon, he’ll call to ask what you had for lunch. Then in the night, after exchanging series of text messages, he’ll call to wish you sweet dreams and tell you to dream about him.
He simply floods your life with love and attention. Then you begin to like him—you begin to fall for him. You begin to see him as that guy who deserves your attention. You begin to flow with him and at some point decide you have fallen in love with him. You finally say yes to his love proposal.
After a month or two, something begins to change. He’s no more calling you as he used to. He’s no more sending you the usual “good morning sunshine” and sweet dreams my queen” text messages. The worst part is, you send him a message and it takes forever to get a response.
Somethings are not the same. Something doesn’t feel right. Your woman intuition tells you he’d changed. He’d become just like the other guy who left your life recently without any provocation. You’re losing him. Then you become desperate to hold on to him because you’ve come to love him so much. No matter the effort you put in to save the relationship, Humpty Dumpty still falls off the wall.
You ask yourself: “why do guys withdraw and later disappear just when you’ve given them your love and grown attached to them?
This is what happens:
#1. The Thrill of the Chase.
Men have the hunting instinct. Naturally, they are the ones to chase after the woman and try to win them over. It’s their job. Chasing a woman doesn’t frustrate a man in any way. Actually, they revel in the challenge. A man is ready to go an extra mile to win the lady he has eyes on because he’s so much aware of what he’ll get if the lady finally say yes.
It’s the end that justifies the means. So they’ll do everything within their power to win the lady. Some days after they’d won, they grow bored and desire to have another thrill. To the man, there’s always the next one—the next woman to chase after just for the thrill.
#2. The conqueror’s boredom
There’s always something about a woman that gets the man attracted. Men have their eyes to dictate to them what’s worth their chase. So after they’ve gone outside of themselves to win the woman, they still want to be fed with the things that got them attracted in the first place.
When it stops coming, they move on to find what is it that they are missing from another woman. Sometimes, most women stop giving a damn when they get the man. They stop trying. They become comfortable. Everything they did to get the man attracted comes to a halt. After all, there’s no one to impress. They forget winning comes with a responsibility.
#3. Faded mystery
Before a man makes a move, he’d already anticipated what he’s going to get after winning. To him, there’s some kind of mystery about the woman and he desires so much to unravel the mystery. It’s that mystery that draws the man into the woman’s web.
He wonders how it will feel like to kiss a woman like her. He sees her in a sexy dress and he wonders what’s behind that dress. He sees big boobs and large bums and he begins to imagine the ecstasy of having to play with those boobs and bums. Everything about the woman becomes a mystery—a mystery he desires to be engulfed in.
After getting the woman—after having the opportunity to explore with her, the man feels he’s gotten all the answers and the mystery begins to fade. The imagination of the unattainable keeps the man interested. Once the clothes are down, there’s nothing more left for the imagination. The dead of the mystery becomes the dead of the relationship.
The truth is, not every man that comes into your life wants commitment. Yeah, they won’t tell you from the beginning that they seek not to commit to a long-term relationship. Some come just for the thrill. Others are already committed to another woman and they come your way just to seek what they lack in the woman they’re already committed to.
They found you interesting or there is this mystery about you that drew them to you. They are just on a mission to satisfy a plaguing curiosity. Once they realize you are turning the whole thing into a serious relationship, they skip.
#5. You overstayed
You’ve seen the signs on the wall long before it became apparent that the man is no more interested in the relationship yet, you kept assuring yourself it was just a blip. You’ve made the man realized you can’t leave him no matter what because you love him so much. You’ve stayed long enough to entertain his bullshit. He takes you for granted because he knows nothing will make you leave him. You are so easy to predict and he’s taking advantage of that.
The greatest weapon a woman could have in her armory is unpredictability. A man should not be able to predict your next move. It adds to your mystery. If there’s something he should know, he should know that you’re capable of walking away when he messes up.
At the negotiation table, the one who’s likely to reject the deal always has the upper hand. The other party always tries to play the game to his tune or else he’ll lose. It’s not different in relationships. The one who’s likely to walk away holds the ace. Cast your mind back a little. In the initial stages of the affair, the guy was always nice to you and couldn’t do a thing wrong. Yeah, that’s because he knew you could walk away and leave him dry if he misbehaved.
When did you lose that power in the relationship?
Don’t Blame Yourself.
It’s not your fault that he disappeared. It’s not your fault in any way that the guy you just said yes to stopped caring. Don’t take the blame. Don’t give yourself pressure thinking you might have said something wrong or did something wrong. If a man won’t stay, there’s little you could do about it.
Playing hard to get won’t get you to nail down the man who is just looking for a thrill. Delaying sex isn’t a sure way to keep a man who’s just passing through. “No sex before marriage” is as religious as its moral but it’s not the means to sieve off the chaff from the good. A good woman gets jilted not because she let her guard down, nope. A good woman gets jilted just because she believed in a lie. The only sin you might have committed is to believe in a lie from a devil who came packaged as an angel. It’s not your fault. Some lies are shinier than the truth and most people will believe it.
All is Not Lost.
Get your self-worth back. Be the woman who’s hard to predict and take this away:
People aren’t the way you think they are at first. Like the clown said when the child asked why he’s wearing a mask: “Everyone wears a mask. The only difference is that mine is visible.” Guys mostly come around in mask. It takes time to see what’s behind. The mistake most women do is, they fall in love with who a man could become than who a man is. They meet a man who likes wearing suits and go like: “he’ll be a responsible man, see, he always wears suit.” They meet a guy who has a sense of humor and they instantly believe life with such a guy will always be about laughter.
Don’t fall in love with his potential. Don’t fall for what he could be. Take your time. He isn’t going to leave just because you want to take your time. Know what is in front of you, right now. Find out if you like who he is right now and decide to give your love to him or not.
Don’t get ahead of yourself. Love him for who he is and not who he might become.
Author: Nesta Jojoe Erskine
A blogger, speaker and social media enthusiast