The question of men’s innate polygamous tendencies has been a subject of debate for a long time.
There are two opposing viewpoints on this matter. One argues that men are naturally inclined to be polygamous and imply that cheating should be forgiven since it is ‘natural’ with men. The other contends that men are not naturally polygamous, and thus any man who cheats on his partner deserves punishment.
In this article, I seek to provide an objective response to this longstanding question, drawing upon my personal perspective as a man and my professional training as a counseling psychologist.
To begin, it is important to clarify that polygamy is not a gender trait. There is no biological or scientific programming in a typical man or woman that inherently drives them to seek multiple sexual partners. What can be considered close to a biological factor in men is the fact that, unlike women who experience strong sexual urges during ovulation on a monthly basis, men tend to experience sexual desire on a daily basis. Hence, men have a persistent desire for sex, while women may have a heightened desire for it only once a month.
However, it is crucial to note that the desire for ‘frequent sex’ does not equate to a desire for ‘multiple partners’. These are distinct concepts. It is entirely possible for an individual to have frequent sex with a single partner and be content. Conversely also, someone can have multiple sexual partners without engaging in frequent sexual activity with them. In other words, the desire for ‘frequent sex’ and the desire for ‘multiple partners’ are not synonymous. Men may have a biological inclination for frequent sex, but only indisciplined men possess a desire for multiple partners.
Besides, advancements in DNA testing have demonstrated that women are also capable of having multiple sexual partners. This underscores the fact that the desire for multiple partners is not exclusive to men. Numerous scientific DNA cases have been documented where the presumed fathers of children were found not to be the biological fathers due to the women’s extramarital affairs. Therefore, anyone who claims men are naturally polygamous is either ignorant or trying to find a shallow justification to cheat.
Now, the question is: if men are not biologically programmed to be polygamous, then why do they appear to have a greater inclination for engaging in relationships with multiple partners? Are there any explanations for this phenomenon? Yes, there are. Here are a few explanations (not justifications) for it.
First, wrong narrative. It is incorrect to claim that men have a higher propensity for multiple partners compared to women. It is proven that both genders are capable of engaging in such behavior, and there is no evidence to suggest that men necessarily do it on a higher level than women.
Therefore, the notion that men are more prone to multiple partners is merely a rumour. Unfortunately, this narrative has been perpetuated and reinforced over a long period of time, to the point where it is widely accepted as truth. However, if one closely examines reports, cases, and observations from professionals such as doctors, psychologists, biologists, lawyers, and DNA experts, it becomes evident that women also engage in relationships with multiple partners, albeit with less public visibility compared to men.
Consequently, it is important to discourage men from labeling themselves as “naturally” polygamous, and to resist women who perceive them as such, since it is factually incorrect.
Second, polygamy is a religious construct. It is almost as though God ‘endorses’ it. It is not debatable that certain religions, particularly the major ones- Islam and Christianity- explicitly or implicitly endorse polygamy. For example, in Islam, men are permitted to marry up to four wives, and in Christianity, the Bible does not explicitly condemn polygamy except for Bishops, who are instructed to have only one wife.
The existence of these religious doctrines allows men to feel justified in having multiple partners, and it also contributes to the perception of men as polygamous. Moreover, some highly respected patriarchs within these religions had multiple partners, further reinforcing this perception.
Third, the increasing ‘monetisation’ of intimate and sexual activities can contribute to men engaging in multiple relationships. Society is evolving, and economic hardships have pushed individuals to view wealth as a means to acquire multiple partners. Many women, particularly in recent times, have commodified their bodies by enhancing their physical appearance through artificial means and cosmetics, in order to appear more attractive to men.
Consequently, it becomes easier for men with wealth to “purchase” the attention of women, thereby perpetuating the perception of men as polygamous. It is important to note that this practice is not a recent development. In the past, individuals such as kings, warriors, farmers with large flocks and land, among others, could afford to support multiple wives, and this historical context has contributed to the belief that men are naturally polygamous.
Four, the influence of public figures, celebrities, and men in positions of power plays a role in shaping the perception of men as polygamous. Although not all men engage in multiple relationships, those who do are often individuals in prominent positions within society. As a result, they are able to publicly discuss and promote their experiences with multiple partners, creating the impression that polygamy is the norm.
We have witnessed numerous instances where wealthy and famous individuals, like Kennedy Agyapong, McDan, Kweku Oteng, Captain Smart, and others in Ghana, openly talk about their involvement with multiple women. If one is not cautious, it can seem as though this is how all men behave, when in reality, there are many men who lead monogamous lives but are not able to publicize it because they are not famous, rich or influential enough.
Five, inherent in every individual is an insatiable craving. Human needs are not satiable. Polygamy serves as one avenue that exemplifies humanity’s perpetual desire for more. Just as individuals aspire to acquire more houses, cars, wealth, and jobs, they may also yearn for multiple partners. This phenomenon is a natural occurrence. While it is true that women also experience this desire, men often exhibit a stronger inclination to act upon their quest for more.
Consequently, in a comparison between a man and a woman who have the means to acquire, it is more probable to find the man accumulating a greater number of houses or cars, as well as engaging in relationships with multiple partners. This tendency partly elucidates the perception of men consistently involving themselves with multiple partners, as it aligns with their inherent and insatiable pursuit for more.
Six, men are logical beings, generally. They least attach emotions to sex. Men tend to approach sex in a way that is more focused on logic and less attached to emotions compared to women. This means that the average man is be able to engage in sexual relationships with multiple partners without feeling as much guilt or emotional attachment.
This ease in separating emotions from sexual encounters is often seen as a contributing factor to why some men are more inclined towards polygamous relationships. In other words, men generally have the ability to compartmentalize their emotions when it comes to sex.
They can engage in physical relationships without necessarily forming deep emotional connections with their partners. This ability to separate emotions from sexual experiences can make it easier for men to engage in relationships with multiple partners without feeling the same level of guilt or emotional conflict that the average woman might experience. Which is why it is easier for a man to be polygamous, than for a woman to have multiple partners.
Seven, the average man inherently has a bloated ego, and polygamy serves as one outlet for men to display and feed their egos. This notion stems from the idea that the average man often desires to “conquer” or assert dominance, and one way they may seek to achieve this is by pursuing and ‘conquering’ multiple women. Within this framework, obtaining more women can be perceived as a form of conquest, reinforcing their sense of strength and power.
In this perspective, the act of having multiple partners becomes intertwined with notions of virility, attractiveness, and social status. It becomes a means for men to validate their masculinity and assert their desirability within their social circles. By accumulating a greater number of partners, men can potentially enhance their perceived social standing and reaffirm their self-worth.
Eight, weak morals and indiscipline. From the Bible days to now, every recorded polygamous relationship came out the indiscipline of the man. Men who are not able to control their sexual desires and discipline themselves often end up in polygamous relationships. The decision to engage in polygamy can be seen as a manifestation of this lack of self-discipline, as it involves pursuing multiple partners despite one’s commitment to monogamy.
In such cases, the individual’s inability to control their desires leads them to seek gratification through multiple relationships, disregarding the potential consequences on themselves and others involved. Women may not find themselves with multiple partners because they are seen to be morally stronger, and generally disciplined than men, especially when it comes to sexual activities. That is why it shocks society, and makes news headlines, when a woman is ‘caught’ engaging in multiple relationships.
Conclusion
The eight factors elaborated above are an attempt to show that men are not naturally born polygamous. Instead, it is religious, cultural, societal and personal factors that connive to make the man more inclined to polygamy. Going into polygamy or multiple sexual partners is purely a deliberate, conscious and well-thought-out decision, it has nothing to do with the scientific or biological make-up of a man. Besides, since there are no records to show that men are more polygamous than women and the advent of DNA has shown that women equally cheat, it is also possible that we are only told a wrong narrative over a long period of time that men are polygamous, when, in fact, both genders equally are.
Thank you for reading today’s episode. Continue to follow the insightful articles I share on this website.
See you.
Writer: Daniel Fenyi
The writer is a licensed counselor, professional writer and conference speaker who guides the youth through his writings. If you have any concerns, reach him via email [email protected]