It’s like a boomerang, when you suddenly realise that this is not so peachy But along with the positives of shared interests, there were plenty of negatives. Sometimes the pair ended up screaming at each other for hours on end. Looking back, Bain says she was in denial about the relationship. “It’s not that you don’t want to see it,” says Bain. “You don’t see it at all.” She wouldn’t hear it when friends hinted something might not be working. “I did everything to convince them that he was the man of my life.” Why do we do it? Self-deception is a tool for protecting yourself from painful facts. It’s why we claim to be honest but break the rules anyway; tell ourselves we want something like a financially secure retirement but consciously construct the opposite, or stick with a company even when we’ve been passed over for a promotion at work.academic paper, citing American psychiatrist M Scott Peck. For those who want to avoid burying their heads in the sand, ask yourself this question: What’s worse – a little bad news about your actual situation, or a ‘business as usual’ approach that leads to a train wreck for your partnership, your money or your career? While facing up to denial can be a struggle when it comes to matters of the heart, not tackling the problems can affect all aspects of your life.
Self-deception has distinct stages and can become chronic.“Self-deception has distinct stages and can become chronic,” Gurney said. The first is simple denial of unpleasant facts, like you are bouncing cheques or are regularly late on bills. shift responsibility for it. “I know, but it’s really not my fault because I’m so busy and I have several jobs…” Gurney’s advice: Consult with a friend or a professional to analyse what’s working in your finances and what’s not. “Keep asking the questions to yourself until you come up with answers.” Another idea is to take a psychological evaluation to determine your money personality to give you greater insight into your own behaviour. More ideas: Make a chart that juxtaposes what you say you want versus what you actually do, or as Gurney suggests, write down emotions you have about your finances on cards, pile them up and see if you can spot a trend.
Life includes change, and we often hold on to things because we’re afraid. Usually we only regret the steps we didn’t take.One woman she helped was a mid-level executive at a major German bank who complained about not being promoted, despite long hours and hard work. The woman, in her early 40s, had only a vague idea of where she wanted to go and why she wanted to go there. She was also waiting around for someone to notice that she was doing a great job. This self-imposed blindness had kept her career stagnant. “She was fooling herself by thinking that someone else had to discover her,” said Gimbel, who worked with the woman on articulating what she wanted and communicating that to her boss. “She did this and the boss realised where she was coming from.” Gimbel’s suggestion to those who are avoiding the writing on the wall at work is to first get clarity on what you really want. Then take responsibility by taking the necessary actions, such as communicating what you want or leaving a job that’s not working. “Life includes change, and we often hold on to things because we’re afraid,” Gimbel said. “Usually we only regret the steps we didn’t take, or the changes we didn’t make. We don’t know where we would have gone if we hadn’t been afraid.” By Rhea Wessel, BBC]]>