From Dolby’s box: Never had an orgasm?

‘Hey sis, never had an orgasm before? It can be very disturbing not being able to experience the pure ecstasy of orgasm but don’t worry you are not alone in this. Gotcha! ? ‘Reaching climax or having an orgasm is a very critically important part of the sex act. ‘Many women have never had an orgasm but very few accept this, and this is because some women do not know what reaching climax or having an orgasm means so they would rather act or say they know and have had orgasms before just so they do not appear inexperienced. A lot of men think their partners reach climax but they certainly do not. But the truth is, it is ok to accept that you have never had an orgasm. It does not mean there is something wrong with your vagina or your vagina is broken. ‘Before we get into the topic, let’s start with the definition of orgasm and climax. Many people including men have different meaning of orgasm and climax. A lot of people confuse the words for the same thing, just like when you are asked to give a synonym for orgasm, you will probably say ‘climax’ right? Who knew there is a difference between these two words? According to sex educator Lucia Paxton, who educates women on the difference, climax occurs when one experiences a few seconds of pelvic floor muscle contraction and orgasm happens when your body reaches the relaxed state right ‘before’ climax. ‘If you allow yourself to get to learn about your own body, you will have a very good reason to explore and get to know your body well. Men always cheat women when it comes to reaching a climax or having an orgasm – men would get off of you immediately they come without making sure you equally enjoyed the pleasure ride till the end or not. Most men do this and think it is absolutely okay because the women who do not have an orgasm do not talk about it because they do not want their man to see them as being hard to please. ‘No honey, it is perfectly fine to voice out how your sexual needs have always been shortlived and how unfulfilling you feel because you never reach orgasm and are not comfortable voicing your worries out because of fear of being tagged for the rest of how long the relationship you have with your sexual partner lasts. ‘I could enjoy the sex very well but won’t have an orgasm. Speaking of which, there are so many different ways a woman reaches orgasm even without you realizing that it is orgasm and also without sex. Until I tried a few things.

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‘I started by being open with my partner about my concern. Yes sis, do not feel embarrassed to talk to your man about this. Tell him how you feel about not being able to have an earth-spinning orgasm and make him understand how relevant it is for you. After talking about it with your partner, you can start off by reading more and watching shows that talk a lot on female orgasm on the internet, magazine, newspaper and online articles to educate you more on it. I made sure to take notes of everything I read and watched about the topic. Here is a few things you should do.
  • A “me time”
Get a mirror or sit in front of a mirror and check yourself downstairs. Give yourself a ‘me time’ to learn about your body. I would touch your body and observe your response to the touch to get to know where you would love to be touched, how you want to be touched and how you react to the touch and which part makes me moan when touched. It really helps.
  • Check your self-esteem
Examine your self-esteem, darling! A woman’s self-esteem tells a lot about her. It is very important to treat yourself right. Others will treat you how you treat yourself, so treat yourself good. Study shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is connected to the authenticity and quality of her orgasms. Every vagina is different and there are so many types of vaginas. Each vagina looks different from the rest and there is no perfect way for a vagina to look like. You should be concerned only when you have abnormal discharge, not pain free, have sores or medical issues. Aside that, you should consider yourself normal and healthy
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  • Open up!
Hey girl, awaken your erotic creature. It may be taking a nap so, let your erotic creature out. Set it free sis. Open up already! What is the fun in being all up tight with your partner in bed? There is absolutely nothing wrong in being uptight but the problem is when you let it hold you back. Let your man see the woman you are within. Let him feel you, let him feel the other side that is hidden and locked away. Men love it when women open up in bed. They find it arousing.
  • Try new things
Do not be boring in bed, try new stuff, spice it up in the bedroom. Don’t be the type that is always counting the starts and watching the ceiling. Come on now girl, where your girl power at? Take control, be in charge. Call the shots in the bedroom, woman! It does not always have to be him and one way every day, it gets way too boring. He might leave if it gets boring for him so, give that sex position you want to try so bad yet scared it will hurt. At least, try and see how it goes, you never know what is on the other side till you try. If possibly, create your own sex position. Do everything you want to, just switch it up. For all you know, one of the new sex positions will be the life-changing event in your quest of reaching an orgasm.
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  • Strengthen the vagina walls and increase sensitivity
You should probably consider eating right, taking lots of fruits and doing some Kegel exercises which involves contracting and relaxing the muscles of your pelvic floor. This holds your uterus and bladder in place above your vagina to improve the tone of these muscles which increases the strength and awareness of the muscles involved in pleasurable sexual sensations that can help women achieve orgasm. It also reduces vaginal or pelvic pain during sex. ‘An easy way of doing Kegel exercise is to stop the stream of urine while urinating. If you can do it, you have identified the basic move but it is not advisable to stop urination on a daily basis because it might cause harm. (always try do Kegel exercise with an empty bladder) aim at holding your contractions for about 2 to 3 seconds and then release.  Once you have gotten the hang of the technique, try to do five sets of 10 repetitions per day while performing routine tasks such as driving or sitting at your desk to do it effortlessly. ‘Enjoy your sex life woman! Enjoy to the fullest! ‘Have a question or you have something to add. Drop it in the comment box. ?’ By Nanaakua Yeboah||Ghana]]>