In my last article, I pointed out some realities of bipolar disorders, which I think many of us have a greater share of. And I believe many of us have pondered several questions on the existential suffering they bring, its mechanisms, and the degrading personalities that tear us apart. Whatever be the case, worrying will rather complicate it.
First of all, if you don’t like reading, kindly have a different thought. It is the beginning of a thoughtful mind, and the building block of every soul. Before becoming what, you think, you must be what you read. Your dating spree could have led to a happy marriage if you had known some petty ideas from books and articles. Now you are searching for a husband with different sex styles yet aren’t finding the ideal one. You don’t know what you want from a man/woman simply because you haven’t concluded on your own kind of behavior, therefore unsure of the other side of behavior that suits you. You haven’t read any sort of document that speaks on psychological and personal embodiment.
Depressions from such dilemmas are too dangerous because there is total unawareness of the depression themselves.
Misplaced priorities, and mood variations usually come as a result of having no fundamental self-awareness principles, or total ignorance of your own self. In our society, a fulfilled life is very difficult, if not impossible, to achieve. Basically, the system dislocates the essence of being, by making you chase the essence of survival. But you can still find a broader pattern for your life in this narrow way. If not, then life becomes a puzzled one; having no taste in societal engagement, having no interest in yourself, giving no attention to the realities of your life, not knowing who and when to date or marry, getting confused in anything material that comes to your way. As a result, you end up marrying the wrong person, applying for the wrong course, choosing the wrong business, etc. Depressions that come from stress can be healed with ease, but the ones which comes from unexamined self are life threatening, damaging, and can be chronic.
Many people have gone through these situations, they have turned things around by reading books. Here, I will suggest you do the same; try reading novels that elaborate on these stories. Life changing stories written in forms of memoirs, novels and short stories. Some may render you tears; others are heartbreaking lessons. Some of the reads will look as if you are reading your life. It isn’t magic, but you can get an urge, a perspective, if possible, a contest to lean your life on. To discover your inner self, by comparing your life to others who had the courage to document theirs. It runs from drug addiction, porn addiction, euphoria, emotional outbursts, losing of self, finding meaning and many others. This will help you to find procedures to fix yourself, or by discovering your real persona, or by calming your emotions down to have clear eyes to the world around you. Find your own, give it a try.
Motivational books and videos work best, when you are on the right path. Many depressed people out there are motivated, but are not self-motivated. Self-motivation comes only when your happiness, interests, and approaches do not depend on external impulses; luxuries, and the promises of material world. And being self-motivated is when you have absolute control over your behavior and lifestyle without being pressured by peers, conditions or the situations.
Knowing whom to approach and who not to. Knowing whom to be friends with and who not to. Knowing dresses that fit and those that do not. Knowing what makes you happy and what does not. Knowing your interests, moods, degree of anger, happiness. In a nutshell, knowing all what you do and doing it at the right time, right degree and in the right proportion. It is in these balances that bring out your confidence, smartness, sharpness, simplicity, clarity and the flow of your normal life. You save yourself from lavish spending, unpleasant lifestyle, unwanted behaviors and above all, have meaning for the life in its wholesomeness.
We are surrounded with more addictive ventures than we can hold, and we easily lose ourselves to them so fast. Hence, it is important for one to be succinct in choices, and interests. Stay in your shell and monitor the realities of your life. Enjoyment of life comes with simplicity and contentment, not overcrowding of new and beautiful things. And if you are empty, virtual life engulfs you and creates some imaginary lifestyle that makes you spend all your lifetime craving to achieve. But in reality, there will be no such life. Social media will ruin your life. You will twerk and dance unnecessarily, salivating on lifestyles you may not afford. For which you will live your life, thinking that you own nothing, therefore can’t pronounce good life. But likes and comments are just the virtuality of things, not in its self, real.
Try to build real life conversations, have a smiley face at the workplace. Be socially adorable in the home and campus, initiate conversations around the things that baffle you, be free-minded and cheer up with intelligent people to have a softened argument with. Freely share your thoughts on lifestyle, (bracketing your real-life stories is not the matter of pride or private, is the matter of ego). Sharing emotions, thoughts, feelings, and interest with someone does not expose you, it rather frees you from tensed overthinking that leads to overreactions and depressions. Black people are fond of exhibiting needless ego and pride, we claim to have a complete sense of judgment but we have no taste at all. Bipolar disorders start from these nuisance premises of lifestyle and are common among most of those who go through it, especially journalists and celebrities.
Outwardly, they will showcase some sense of humor, which normally looks unnatural on them, they will turn into motivational speakers to bracket their undiscovered lives. Later, they will be locked up in explosives of depression living in completely socially unnatural lives in bondages of fantasies. They see themselves above the standards of the society in which they live. Always trying to live expensive lives, teaching and advising people, even on the things they don’t know. Criticizing all potentials as if their excellence beat all mediocrity, in reality, you realize that they are far from contentment and happiness. Avoiding these lifestyles and pressures also help you to save a lot of inward prejudices.
As a lady, you must find their sense of belonging before entering into a relationship. You are too expensive to bargain your dignity on iPhones and cars, expensive clothes and shoes. That is not to say they are not good. But try to live within your boundaries, by not flaunting yourself on sexual negotiation tables. Appearance gives confidence, not dignity. Don’t mistake pride and dignity for sexy body else you’ll become socially extinct, and useless when your emptiness is exposed. Your esteem and sense of humor gives your appearance a substance. Intelligence and smartness validate your personality. Hence, your value. It has nothing to do with butts and breasts or body shape. Those are non-renewable resources of your personality, when they are being exploited and used, only time can determine whether it can be used again. Depression becomes mentally damaging when one feels she is being exploited, used and dumped
It doesn’t take much to find the urge as a lady. Sleeping with multiple men for poverty’s sake is a choice, and not using the few available resources to define yourself too is negligence. The common versions of bipolar disorders in females are inappropriate sexual exposure and sexual drives. Try appreciating guys on your own levels, be real and simple to them. Face the realities of yourself, and appreciate your surroundings.
Build yourself, get emotional balance, dress to look smart and confident. Crave for ideas and knowledge, read novels, memoirs and stories. Try some arts, explore skills of your choice, crave to exhibit talents. Be completely sure of your inner self to invent your own confidence. Don’t throw yourself into relationships in search of self-approval in order to feel belonged in the society. Else you get depressed even when you are having a good relationship.
This not to condescend on religious maxims.
But try accepting the fact that cheating has been normalized in relationships now. Try accepting the fact that sex is now a fun that could be enjoyed, anywhere, anyhow, anytime with anybody. Try accepting the fact that marriage now is an overrated institution, that people’s commitment runs to zero with no sex boundaries. Try accepting the fact that porn has completely change our feeling for others and that the tiniest friendship with the opposite sex can lead to sexual intimacy. Today, a guy does not only lose his girlfriend to his fellow guy, he can also lose her to another lady. Yes, homosexuality shouldn’t be out of the equation. Let’s accept that some women have those they have sex fun with and those they are married to.
Let also embrace the fact that some married men chase young ladies and call them side chicks, and some married women chase and date young guys only to have special sex with them.
You and I are not the orchestrators of these insanities, nor can we eradicate them. But we can prevent high blood pressure, suicides, mental disorders, depressions, anxieties and bipolar associates if we are to accept all these facts as being the tide of our age.
By Opoku Andrew
Email: [email protected]