In the beginning, it was a very beautiful story. You had everything under control. Words spoken between you, and every moment spent together felt magical. Everything (s)he did with you was so beautiful you wanted it happening again and again. Just for the love of it, you did almost everything together. Your phone conversations were so fulfilling, you preferred the moments of awkward silence to saying goodbye.
All you wanted was to be together every day, and share this love that was growing between you two. You needed the world to know the one you were loving, so, you shared snapshots of your cute moments with anyone that cared, on social media. You wanted the world to know the kind of love story you were writing with your lives, and, the beauty of it.
But, in recent times, things have not been the way they should. You’ve sensed some changes. You’re now unsure if your partner is out of love or if it’s a phase; which you’ll have to go through with them. You hope to see an improvement, but, there has been just too many days gone by without a flicker of hope for a favorable turnaround.
The hopeful human in you says to try a little bit harder, while your inner realist goads you to confront the situation and find out what’s wrong. The realist wins. However, things take a turn for the worse after your attempt to bring the love back to glory days.
You’re left wondering if this is the right relationship; if they were the ideal person you’d be with.
Whenever you find yourself going through such motions, in relation to your love life and affairs, there is a big chance the relationship is over or, limping toward a situation beyond restoration, and, you should be on the lookout for all or most of these signs listed below:
When they are too busy to pick your calls or return missed ones.
No one can be so busy that they will be unable to make a 5second call just to say “sorry I’m very busy, I will call back later”. Later is not a day after. When the excuses for not picking, and, or returning your calls become too flimsy, you should have a clue regarding the status of the relationship.
In modern times, text messages have become real-time events. Should they be offline, they’ll come meet the message waiting for their attention. When people you love, and place above everything and everyone begin to flash you the “I’m busy” card, it’s a time for deeper reflections on your situation with them.
Everyone and everything else in their lives take prominence over you.
Just like that, everything else comes first before you. They’d rather meet with friends than to stay home with you. And when they decide to have you around, they distract themselves with anything, just to avoid dealing directly with you.
When you are loved, you feel important and respected. Everything you do, you consider their interest first. They become part and parcel of your plan. They become part of who you are and the person you’ve become since you met them.
When suddenly, you seem far from everything your partner sees as important, that should raise a red flag. It means things are not the way it should be. It gives a we-need-to-talk signal. When you are loved, necessarily you don’t need to be at the top of everything that is important. You have to be right there and about everything that is important in the life of your partner.
When that is missing, you don’t have a relationship. How do you cope with someone who sees everything as important than you are?
They no longer introduce you to friends and family.
This may not necessarily mean someone has taken your place. However, it definitely hints at them possibly having second thoughts about you. It could also be that you were the fix for a short-term craving they had.
In regular relationships, the partners involved will love to show off, with their lover, to their family and friends.
Secret relationships are the wrong type of love story. If you haven’t met any RELEVANT friends or relatives of your partner, it’s about time you begin to question the plot of such love story.
In Luther Vandross words; “your secret love will never be your true love”? Be guided by that.
Maintenance of the relationship has been a one-way street.
Relationships are a lot of work. It becomes easier when both partners acknowledge the effort they have to put in so as to make things work; creating a balance in that endeavor.
When you are the one doing everything to see the relationship thrive, then everything is wrong. If you begin to notice the situation as playing a game of chess with yourself then, very soon, the burden of the work and effort would wear you out and you’ll collapse under the weight.
It should be a shared effort to see a relationship do well and blossom. When the effort is one sided, the story won’t end in a happy ever after.
You need to persuade them for regular dates, or display of caring acts
At a point in time, Pamela had an excuse for all the reasons she couldn’t see her boyfriend. She made him feel he wasn’t part of her schedule. If they had to meet, then, he had to negotiate. Sometimes he had to employ master persuasion skills before he could get her to reluctantly oblige to see him.
People you love, that love you in return, should find it easy to call you. People you are in relationship with should naturally be the ones you spend most times with. When you had to persuade a partner before they meet you. When you had to remind them ceaselessly that they owe a duty to call you sometimes, then a lot is not right. What is not right is the love story you find yourself in. You might be performing with the wrong partner.
How do you walk out when the plot becomes clearer and you realize it’s not the kind of story you would want to be a part of?
People are made of hope. We are always hopeful. We believe things will change as times roll by. We sometimes look back to the beginning when the relationship was at its beautiful stage. Then something in us says; “hold on a little bit longer, he/she will change and things will be like it used to.” So, we hang on. Hoping we could change our partner to suit our desires.
Right here, is the catch:
people don’t change just because someone wants them to. They change when there’s the motivation to change. They change when they see the need to. They don’t change because you told them to.
Your partner wouldn’t change for you unless there’s a special motivation. Times will come and go and your hope will wane. But you have to finally decide. At some point, you have to make a decision and walk out.
Believe in yourself
We are scared we won’t find anyone better. We are told it’s not easy to find good people. Starting all over again with someone new comes with its own work. The fear of being lonely sometimes urges us to stick around for a while. To overcome these niggling fears, you have to believe in yourself. Believe in your worth and move on.
Believe that you are good enough to be found by someone who’s worth the trouble. Believe you deserve a happy relationship. And that will happen only when you let this one go. Actually, why stay in a relationship and still be alone? Why give your all to someone who gives nothing back?
If you have genuine self-worth and your belief in yourself is true, one day you’ll wake up with a smile on your face. Like someone who suddenly got an answer to a plaguing question. Then walk to your partner and say; “I’ve decided to write another love story. This story has no part for your character. Your time on the stage of my love life ends here”!
Author: Nesta Jojoe Erskine
E-mail: [email protected] A blogger, speaker and social media enthusiast.