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Updates to mother Ghana: Christmas 2017

Dear Mother Ghana,

Happy New Year oooo! Afehyia pa! May the year go round to meet all of us! Afe sesee, we should all be alive so we can all enjoy you, Mother Ghana!

Also Afe sesee, I would still be updating you on what is happening in our land. So how did you spend the Christmas and the New Year? Chicken? Goat meat?  Akonfem , Dabodabo or Tilapia? I am sure you had it all.

If you didn’t, then you have done yourself papa! Because let me tell you… nokore nokore mese wose, some of your children have really chopped this Christmas ankasa… so much so that, the Christmas couldn’t wait to just pass!

Herrrh!! You know your children, when the season is approaching, they always complain, sika nni krom, there is no money, you know me I never believe them.

Because the chilling in town and in people’s homes this year, and the shopping … it has never been seen before.

Maame, two weeks to the Christmas, come and see town…traffic, traffic! It was as if the president of the world has come to our land.

You know what they do when these Presidents visit us. Your first son would block all the roads and put pictures of those presidents at vantage points just to welcome them.

The other roads left for the downtrodden get so choked there is nowhere to pass … well except you have a V8.

Last year’s traffic before Christmas was about ten times as usual. Eii traffic nie? When it happens like that, then Okada riders have chopped lotto.

Even those who feared sitting on motto bikes didn’t have a choice but to hop on okada. These okada riders too don’t fear huuuu!

They speed between cars as if they have swallowed owuo aduro. You should see the faces of some of your children behind the riders; like they have flunked a penalty kick at the world cup. Uber drivers were also praying that everyday would be Christmas.

After you stay in that traffic for at least four hours and finally get to Accra Central, gyae! You couldn’t even find a place for your feet to just step. Eiii  nnipa, nnipa!

And some of the faces I saw, hmmm….you see them and you know that chai, Maame Wata mma wo krom! People have sold things! And people have also bought things!

You can imagine the expired food some of your children have eaten into their stomachs! Ennye easy!!

So did you attend any of the events? No? Oh your children, we don’t try at all. At least we should be taking you to these events so you can also enjoy some.

You know apart from the plenty food and parties, one must make it a point to attend at least one event. Christmas in our land is all about events now oo.

Thousand and something laughs… where they bring comedians to entertain those who can pay, is a nice event.

That is the one I wanted to attend but by the time I finally raised the money, the tickets had run out. Hmmm, if you don’t have money, simple laughter mpo bebo wo.

You would have to tickle yourself all by yourself in your own one corner.  I haven’t told you about Theatre, Theatre is now doing very well paa, yes.

Now there is no Christmas without the Ebo Whyte Plays. At least that one, I should have taken you to see one. Like you will laugh saa! That man has done well mom.

I am told his plays were completely sold out. There was Rapperholic, D2R, and other musical shows too.

This Christmas was for Lynx oo.. Do you know lynx? How do I even show you? Ahaaa, he used to work with A.S.E.M….Asem! Wobeda wobeda ntem! He koraa where is he? Anaa wakoda ntem?

Anyway, the two biggest songs this Christmas were from the camp of Lynx, and so his boys; Kwame Eugene and Kidi, were on every show! Everywhere you pass, ‘Aaangeeelaaaa’…then they add… ‘Me I no get thaaty billion, odo yewu ee’…. I am sure you know those songs.

Our musicians are doing very well. Some pastors tried to bind Patapaa’s ‘One corner’ but stiiillll….the guy is touring the world with his one hit.

The market women too put Ebony’s ‘hustle’ on repeat. “Obi mmedi me ooo, onni medwa.” Ebony’s matter is for another day. I think she is too hot for us to handle.

And do you know the Wutah boys finally reunited? Oh they did, after going solo and hungry for some time.

Their song Bronya, is my favorite carol…. Aaaa yebro dada yentwen bronya, aaaoooo  yebro dada… Heerh…. that song just makes me wanna grab a bottle.

Talking about bottles…do you know now there are bitters for everything? Adonko bitters, kakai bitters, harmattan bitters, obumpa bitters, baby making bitters, sisimuden bitters, TV license bitters, website bitters, etc, …. their adverts are the most attractive too!

Your children have done things with them this Christmas ankasa!

Maame, I am sure as for weddings, you attended one. No? Ei then you are not living in your own land oo! It looks like people save up just so they can also do wedding in December.

Hwe! Weddings, weddings…ese wani! Some people’s wedding budget could fix the Kumasi-Accra road! It looks like half of the unmarried population got married in December.

In fact I heard they called 23rd December, “Ghana Wedding Day”. And this means it is cocoa season for event vendors like photographers, planners, caterers, decorators, MCs, etc.

Some of them were so overbooked; they did not have eyes to sleep throughout the season. By now they are “chorking” in their one corner counting their monies.

The abrokyire people too came! Everywhere you went, “inni inni”.

Some of them actually came with their obroni friends. We too when we see abrokyire people, we put all our needs before them.

But as usual, they say we will hear from them when they get back. Truth is some of our people here finished their salaries at the DJ Mensah All White Party.

So January is going to seem like eighty-eight days for them. But they will survive. You know your children are magicians.

Anyway, Mother Ghana, I have to go, I know your first son will give you the in-depth update of what happened these holidays.

He will be one year in office in a few days so I am sure he is preparing a fine long speech to read to the family. Ahaa! Maame, do you know the difference between Boss Chicks and Slay Queens? That one your son Kwame Gyan will explain to you.

He has been dealing with them. I almost forgot, some of your children are being carried to court oo, yes! They haven’t paid their TV licensing fee.

You, I will update you later. Have a wonderful year! I love youuuuu! God bless you Mother Ghana! Byyeee for noooowwwwww!!

Your Son,

Nick Asante

 

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