by Amoh

October 3, 2017


To marry or not? The hidden truth

In the wake of recent divorces and the abundance of marriage ceremonies, I want to demystify the notion that marriage is scary. Marriage can be scary; but it is not meant to be that way. Knowing these tips beforehand will help you make the right decision.

1)First, understand that marriage requires discernment to know when to attack the problem and not the person. It is often said that when you don’t know where you are going, any road can confuse you, in the same vein, when you don’t know where the problem is in marriage, you will be fighting the wrong battles. You see marriage was ordained by God Himself (Genesis 2:18) and the devil with his little knowledge knows how God’s power works through two people in agreement. Thus, he does everything to separate the two. Now because knowledge liberates, you should know this truth and know how to discern the enemy as the source of your marital struggle. Conquer the battle with prayer lest you fall prey to his trap.

2)Secondly, understand that love is a decision. Many of you will disagree with me, but love wears off when you are constantly being hurt, criticised and abused by your partner. This is the reason why you must decide consciously to love your partner. As for the things you don’t like about him/her, understand that work is still in progress since both of you are not perfect. Have faith and constantly communicate your hurtful feelings to your partner.It may sound as though you are criticizing, but let him/her know that you have a fragile heart and you are broken. Be honest about your feelings. A partner who values you will heed to your sincere desires and make the necessary changes.

3)Marriage has an assignment. You know how Jesus said in Matthew 22:14 that many are called but few are chosen? The truth about this scripture is that all are called but few respond to His call. Marriage as an institution has been ordained by God and with it carries a divine assignment and its blessings. So when you marry you can access God’s blessings and carry out His divine mandate for the marriage. In most cases however, people don’t seek the face of God before they marry. So they go through it the hard way. The good news however, is that God doesn’t forsake those who entered the wrong marriage, so while in the marriage ask God for forgiveness and mercy to turn things around for your good. Believe me, if you are compatible from the beginning, chances are that you are not meant for each other. God needs the ordinary and the difficult to bring Him glory. He needs your test to give you a testimony. Hold on.

4)Find your purpose. This is one thing many people miss. If you have not discovered your purpose in life as an individual, you will be a great burden to your partner. Why do I say this? First, lack of purpose means lack of direction.If you don’t know where you are going, you are most likely to criticise others who know where they are going. It is as simple as that. Moreover, lack of purpose can birth a strange sense of emptiness that can lead to enviness. Yes, you can envy your spouse. So know your why.

5)Constant communication and company reinforces love. It’s easy to forget about someone when you don’t hear from them, see them or talk to them. The devil knows this. Thus, make it a point to be each other’s keeper. Don’t give the devil that stronghold. Mend all the loopholes in communication.

6) Serve as a covering for your partner. This point is very important. Take note. If your partner is not getting the most attention from you, discourage him/her from getting it elsewhere. If you and your spouse don’t talk as many times in a day, he shouldn’t be keeping a female friend who calls and texts more than you do. Same for the women. Boundaries need to be set for the outsiders. Let him/her understand that if you are not doing something, it’s because you are a work-in-progress, and you need to be given the room to improve on yourself. Letting others do what your spouse is not doing spells doom for your marriage. You are sowing a bad seed that will grow to haunt you in future.

7)Resocialise your partner to have the same values as you. The goal of every spouse should be to fall in love with the quality of the partner’s mind and the beauty of his/her character. Again, this is not a nine day wonder.It must be worked at. You need to invest in your partner’s mind. Explain to him/her why one solution is better than the other. Pour out wisdom into him/her. Every childhood was infused with certain belief systems that need to be reoriented. You need to resocialise your partner. Behold, all things have become new, thus your old beliefs must be discarded to make way for new ones. This is the only way you can grow together to build that solid foundation for your children.

Having said all this, I can’t overemphasize the importance of prayer in a marriage. Prayer should be your food. Don’t take marriage for granted at all; it is work. But imagine you commit to God your marriage, He does the work for you. Let all who have ears hear this, God is not dead, and so is marriage. There is lots of hope because marriage is beautiful!!!!

By Brenda Lutterodt…My purpose is to change your mindset

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