Every woman deserves her special day. That is rightly so because they’ve worked hard for it. It doesn’t usually happen that a woman finds a man today and tomorrow they head to the altar. The disappointment along the way might have been many.
It’s true, some have it easy. They meet a man today and a few months later, they are exchanging vows. Some even have the luck of getting married to that one man they ever dated. These are the lucky ones. The ones who own a shining star among the galaxies.
On the wedding day, if one is interested to trace the love trajectory of the bride (forget the groom, he’s had a lot of fun), then you will realize it hasn’t come as white as her gown may seem to suggest. That is why we can’t fault our women for wanting a special day to look like princesses. For once, even if it’s not for a lifetime, they deserve to put on a tiara for the world to know their effort has finally been crowned.
Where the honor lies…
It is the honor for both a man and a woman to finally say “I do” to each other. To the woman, it’s more than just an honor; it is a racing heart finally finding a resting place and some sort of escape from a society that sees everything wrong with a woman without a ring on the finger. The wedding day is bliss and usually the calm before a lifelong storm;
The simple hard truth is this; it’s no more gowns and tiara after the wedding. It is more and more like stripping the gown and fancy shoes off and putting on an apron to raise a child who refuses to grow up. I’m not trying to scare you, it’s the hard truth; All too soon the loud cheers die down; bridesmaids in velvet garments disappear; Rose petals cease to fall along your path. Then you realize the lifelong journey you signed for has begun.
The Hard Truth is this…
- Men don’t grow. They only grow a beard to cover up the child inside. It’s like a woman using a makeup to cover a blemish on the face. Most men leave their mothers and move straight to live with their wives and as such expect motherly treatment from the wife. When he catches a cold, he expects you the wife to be doing the sneezing for him. You don’t have to fail. You do, you are not caring enough.
- Everything that easily gets on your nerves will be done by your man. It is as simple as that. Sometimes it feels he’s on a mission to test how far you can go with patience. If he wants someone to yell at, tadaa the wife is there. To think this is going to go on for a lifetime makes it scary sometimes.
- It is only the woman that needs to change in the marriage. Our type of society gives less care to the man. The woman has to change to suit the lifestyle of the man she marries. If you got married to a pastor, then you have to change to fit into how the society requires of you as a pastor’s wife. Society will be monitoring and judging your every step of the way.
- Your marriage will never be like any other marriage you’ve seen. Not even like your own parents’ marriage. Most importantly, it wouldn’t be like the marriages you see in your favorite telenovelas. If you want to smell a rose because you saw Alessandro giving his girlfriend a rose in that telenovela, the truth is, you probably would have to head to the florist and get it for yourself.
- Don’t equate your dating romance to marriage romance; the two are like the night and day. It’s easy to be romantic during dating. After all, you only get to spend some few hours together. After “I do”, both of you are locked in shackles for a lifetime and that reduces romance very significantly.
And the truth is, no matter how in love you are with one another, it becomes boring sometimes when you live together and see each other all the time. Especially when you get to see them in their worse each other day.
- Nobody gives a damn about your education, qualifications and how well you perform professionally. You might be the most decorated academic in your field of study. In marriage, you don’t get any praise for that. The only praise you get is if your Jollof rice tastes better than Nigerian Jollof and the welle in the okro stew is as soft as soft can be.
- Don’t expect to hear the word “sorry” very much. You might have heard it several times when dating. Try to reduce your expectations of it most often so you wouldn’t be disappointed. “Sorry” is rare! Once in a while, you’ll get to hear it when God knocks on his head. Other than that, men are not sorry. If you can feel the sorry for them, the better.
- You are most likely going to share your stuff; I mean stuff like personal stuff. You probably know the color of your toothbrush because as a woman color means a whole lot to you. He doesn’t know colors that much. Occasionally he might mistakenly use your toothbrush without knowing it. You complain and he’ll go like; “we even kiss so what’s the fuss about me using your toothbrush?”
Do you want to hear him say that he’s sorry? Read point #7
- Getting married won’t necessarily make you happy. This is a cliché. I feel the need to repeat it here because it’s one of the things that stresses women a lot of times in marriage. Marriage is not an escape from loneliness. If you are not happy before marriage, you won’t be any happier afterward.
In marriage, happiness comes in patches. Sometimes you could have a long drought of happiness. Sometimes you’ll be happy, happy, happy, and happy. Then the drought sets in again. The truth is, the absence of happiness always seems longer than it actually is.
- All the farts he held onto when you both were dating, he will let them out freely this time round. Ow yeah! I call it “the-nothing-to-lose” attitude. Could you imagine a guy doing that when dating? They never do! They don’t want their ladies to give them the wrong profile. Some wouldn’t do that because it’s ungentlemanly. Trust me; they’ll give it to you when you both are finally married.
Well, you can’t fault them, marriage is a forever thing. He can’t keep holding on to such an awesome release of pleasure till forever.
When at the altar looking like a queen, you can reflect on these things and cry a little. Worry not about your guests, they will take it as tears of joy and be sentimental about it. But deep within you, you know you are about to enter into deep trouble and that makes your spirit sobs.
When all is said and done, it’s not a bad thing to be married. The point has to be made that it’s not all about a shining rock on one’s finger. It is also not about smelling roses along one’s path. Then again, it is definitely not a candle lit dinner affair;
It’s about trying to deal with everyday imperfections. It is more like looking at the brightness of the sun without blinking. And above all, it is about everything you want it to be.
Author: Nesta Jojoe Erskine
A blogger, speaker and social media enthusiast
E-mail: [email protected]